Growing Up – The First Lesson

Of all the people I know, I believe I am the least eligible to talk about religion. Mostly because I do not even kneel down 5 times a day, obedience in religion has never been my strong point ,but that my dear friends is a different story, let us save that discussion for another day 🙂 I have had an interesting life, lived in 3 different cities and have been a part of groups having different ideologies of life. With 25 years gone, I cant help feeling like im static and the people are rushing in and out of my life, a bit of sadness with one relation ending and a bundle of joy with another, and I moved on. After sometime I realized that my personal development is an absolute for me, and does not or atleast should not be relative to these guests in my life. Hence I struggled hard and long to be better, to be what I perceived better. Motivation didn’t seem like much of a problem, some of us need a mortal muse to be inspired, to others inspiration comes from divine sources, thankfully I have been blessed to be counted in the latter. But as I struggled and fought for what I believed, as I jumped into battles and fought for what was right to me, the more I did it the more I felt that I did not control most of it. Neither the joys that made me feel like sunshine nor the sorrow that crippled me to the core, had been truly my work.. By this time I had become a control freak regarding my life and the realization that it could not be this way. did not come easy. More n more failures in which I had little contribution, and successes that I could not truly own in my mind, continued to haunt me. For a number of years I have been at war with myself, like a stubborn little child who refuses to acknowledge the truth because it does not match with his/her plan. But with the passage of time, the same truth started to console me instead of agitating me. My success no longer made me swell up with pride, for I knew that the strings were being manipulated by Sumone else, that He wanted to give me a reason to celebrate, and my failure did not make me loose heart for I knew that he wanted to show me something, failures usually started with a *Why Me?* and after the cool off period, I found myself saying to Him *Good Point*. This thought filled me with tranquility, and it flowed through me like clean blue water, reaching out to every nook and corner and healing my soul, from that time onward I felt at peace, with myself and the world. Sometimes you look for God in miracles, and in hidden signs, and end up finding him in your helplessness.

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